


The Five Times Kagami and Adrien Confessed Their Feelings In Front of Marinette and the One Time She Had A Disaster Bi Breakdown

by Talik_Sanis



Series: Miraculous Crackfics [6]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adding Cereal to Milk is the Unpardonable Sin, Adrigaminette, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Bisexual Disaster Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Crack, Disaster Bi Marinette, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hot Mess Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Humour, Identity Reveal, Marinette Has A Bi Disaster Breakdown, Multi, Oblivious Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pre-Poly, Protective Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Thirsty Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Threesome - F/F/M, useless bisexuals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25493383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talik_Sanis/pseuds/Talik_Sanis
Summary: Being a wing-woman for two oblivious dorks like Adrien and Kagami is harder than Marinette thought it would be. Every date, it's the same thing: they confess their feelings for each other and then seem to forget about it. And they're so shy! They can't even look at each other while they're confessing. Instead, they have to turn to stare into her eyes for confidence.Useless disaster bisexual Marinette is being wooed by two people who keep on trying to inform her of that fact.And they keep on failing.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Ladybug's Fist/Gabriel Agreste's Face
Series: Miraculous Crackfics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755580
Comments: 42
Kudos: 308





	The Five Times Kagami and Adrien Confessed Their Feelings In Front of Marinette and the One Time She Had A Disaster Bi Breakdown

This was it.

The culmination of all Marinette's hard work, the intricate date planning, the self-sacrificing, the blood (She got a paper cut on her “planning” sheet. Those sting!), sweat (It was over thirty degrees that one day.), and tears (Just a few [lot] about trying to move on from Adrien.).

"Ever since I met you, you awakened feelings in me that I never knew that I could have. I never dreamed when I first saw you, believing you to be my opponent, that you would become so precious to me.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng sat on one of the many benches that lined the dueling areas of the Armand D'Argencourt fencing school, caught up in the spectacle of young love. Kagami and Adrien stood before her, their brows matted with sweaty hair (which was actually kind of hot and not icky like it would be on Marinette herself, surely). Flushed with exhaustion after their last match as they glanced between themselves and her, they were nearly mirror images of one another, looking to her for confirmation and support.

Of course she _had_ to give it to them, nodding at them with a great, encouraging smile, even though the thought that she'd be losing both of them stung worse than a _million_ paper cuts.

Kagami was in the midst of pouring her heart out, eyes fixed on Marinette.

_Poor girl. I'd never have imagined she'd need me here for emotional support as she confessed to Adrien. She must be so embarrassed! She can't even look at him._

Kagami swallowed hard, letting her fencing cage and foil clatter to the ground as she got caught up in the emotion of it all and then plowed forward.

“What I'm saying... is that I... I love you!" she finished in a yell, hands fisted at her sides, face pinched up and eyes closed tight.

A half-dozen other fencing students stopped what they were doing and stared.

Someone coughed in the distance.

_Oh. So passionate. He's going to kiss her after that and it will be beautiful and hot and they might start making out and I really should have put 'buy condoms' on the plan sheet because France needs more beautiful children and not ugly babies but Gabriel and Tomoe would get really upset about a teenage pregnancy and they'd become star-crossed lovers when they were kept apart so Kagami would have to go on the run with Adrien and hide in the basement of the bakery which we don't have so we'd need to dig the thing out with our fingernails and teeth because we couldn't buy shovels and have them traced back to us and then maybe they'd become old timey pirates, marauding across the Seine and raising their perfect little fencer babies to be cutthroats..._

The boyishly innocent and radiantly honest smile that spread across Adrien's face was like the sun, bathing the world in his warm light.

Both girls sighed, basking in the heat of the bright summer day that was Adrien Agreste.

Of course, her rambling thoughts were utterly ridiculous. Adrien could never raise brigands.

Hand rubbing the back of his neck, flushed face even more red than before, the boy replied: “And I never knew how you had crept into my heart – how beautiful you were not because of your eyes or your hair or even your smile, but because of _your_ heart. I guess... I love you too... No. I _do_ love you, and I think that I have for ... for a very long time. I just never realized it because it felt so natural. Like breathing. You just forget about it, and how vital it is.”

Wow. Marinette pressed a hand to her heart, feeling it throb, spastic like her, threatening coronary failure. That was... as beautiful as Adrien and Kagami.

If she was ever confessed to, she could only dream of it being so wonderful, and, through the little tinge of heartache, she sighed at the joy experienced vicariously through her two friends.

_Wait. Why are they still looking at me? Shouldn't they either be making out or making babies?_

* * *

For some reason, Marinette had become Adrien and Kagami's date planner.

Granted, she enjoyed her time with them, especially when they got cuddly in that really friendly way where they held her between them and played with her hair and stroked her sides, thighs, and belly to make up for how touch-starved they were (Poor socially awkward kids didn't understand personal boundaries, but Marinette was okay with that. Anything for friends, and it felt good.) but wouldn't they want to spend time alone now that they had been open about their feelings?

Apparently not.

She wasn't going to complain. If they felt more comfortable with her along for the ride, she would help them in any way that she could. Plus, now that she was trying to get over Adrien, the pair was a lot of fun to hang around with.

It had been the most beautiful and perfectly-executed date that Marinette had ever conceived, even outstripping ice cream at Andre's cart. A trip to a fairground was exactly the kind of thing that Adrien and Kagami deserved to enjoy, stuffing their faces with enough popcorn and candy floss to make themselves sick as Marinette watched and cooed over how cute they were.

They were so sweet together that it hurt like a cavity.

The two heirs had battled each other at a dozen carnival games, winning a stuffed black cat and a massive grey mouse with pink eyes for each other, though they proffered the toys to Marinette, Adrien with a deep bow and Kagami with a blush that was really quite fetching.

Adrien was really lucky to have someone that adorable in his life.

Obviously they wanted her to hold on to the toys for them, so she did, tucking the stuffies under her arms as the other two kids ran off to try the rides and eat yet more sugary and/or greasy carnival food.

They ended the night with a little walk through a nearby park, Marinette being invited to sit down on a bench in a little clearing while the other two teens stood, gave each other a soft glance, and Kagami found the courage to speak.

“There was something about you that made me almost... angry. I realize now that I simply didn't know what I was feeling, and so lashed out to defend myself. I know that I hurt you and that we became rivals, but now I know that I would rather work _with_ you – be your partner through everything. I- I love you.”

What the heck was Kagami doing? It was kind of sweet, sure, but Adrien already knew how she felt.

Turning to the boy, Marinette found that he was already looking at her and beginning to speak, although it was obviously directed at his girlfriend.

“And I wanted to be your friend from the moment that I saw you. I know that we got off on the wrong foot because of a misunderstanding, but you _amazed_ me that day. You were just ... someone special to me immediately, and I wanted to know everything there was to know about you. I still do, and I could spend a lifetime learning because... because I love you.”

_Oh, Adrien._

It was almost enough to make her cry or launch into one of her phantasmagorical daydreams of him professing his love to _her_ instead of Kagami so that they could get married in a ceremony alongside Kagami, Alya, and Nino and then go purchase a home together and have three children, a hamster, and possibly a cat while she took over Gabriel and rebuilt it from the ground up under the watchful eye of her proud father-in-law and still managed to arrange regular dates with Kagami that weren't actual dates but, like, get-togethers where they both cuddled her in that way they were doing right at that moment as they sat down on the bench on either side of her because people totally did that.

Kagami was such a lucky girl to be loved by someone who was so ... passionate about her.

Still, maybe they didn't understand how dates worked. Marinette frowned, but covered it quickly because it would break her heart if the two other teens mistook her consternation and confusion as any kind of ill-feeling directed towards them, or displeasure at the way in which Kagami was stroking her hair and Adrien was ghosting his hand along her side and back.

You didn't have to confess your feelings every time you went out. A simple “I love you” would suffice, but she supposed that two people as loving and precious as Adrien and Kagami would want to go over-the-top to make up for all the lost time.

When she got home, she kicked herself mentally.

Duh!

What a dolt she was.

She forgot to return the stuffed cat and mouse they had won for their new paramour.

She gave the cat and mouse plushies a squeeze and then had the cat chase down the mouse and shower it with tickles.

* * *

“The first time that I saw you with your hair wild and free, loosed from its typically repressed confines, I knew that I loved you – not with my mind, which I have always let guide me, but with my heart that became too powerful to suppress. I didn't _want_ to be in love with you, or contemplate it; I just _was_. And nothing in the world could make me want to be anything _other_ than in love with you.“

Marinette had to admit that she too had reflected on how cute Adrien looked the first time that she had seen him with his hair mussed up instead of gelled and styled.

The trio of teens stood outside of Collège Françoise Dupont, surrounded by the bustle of other students who were fleeing from the institution at the end of the school day.

Still clutching her hands to her heart in a gesture of sincerity that kind of reminded Marinette of something out of an anime that Adrien had made them watch wherein a, well, Japanese school girl had confessed her feelings to her sempai, Kagami waited for them at the bottom of the steps that led up to the front entryway.

The adoring look on Adrien's face, which he clearly wanted to show off to Marinette just to let his good friend know how happy he was, was enough to make her smile too.

It was still an odd thing for Kagami to say, especially because it seemed like she was trying to confess. Again.

Also because, luscious golden locks aside, Adrien had many more appealing features like the slender, pale column of his throat, the definition of his chest, obvious through the tight tee-shirt that he was wearing, a radiant smile that gleamed with the candlepower of a million exploding suns when he really turned ~~her~~ _it_ on, the broad shoulders that seemed like they could bear the weight of the world without buckling, those forest green pools of mirth and innocence that were his eyes...

Where was she going with this?

Oh, right.

Kagami had a hair fetish.

Also, she was confessing her love to Adrien.

Again.

_What is going on here?_

“And I never thought that I could love someone other than ... well.” Adrien loosed a heavenly chuckle, blush staining his face, and he was just so abashed that he couldn't even look at Kagami.

“Shows you what I know. I never expected this, but I see everything that I loved about her in you – And that's not to say that I feel the way I do because you remind me of her! It's completely different because you're all strong and clever and beautiful, but you have a heart bigger than anyone I've ever met. You feel for me – _with_ me – in a way that I never imagined, and that makes you more special than I can ever say, other than just telling you that I love you.”

Marinette had never known how empathetic Kagami could be, but it made sense, really, in light of their similar childhoods.

Still, as she let the other two teens take her by both hands and lead her off for the latest date that she'd arranged for them, serving as their intermediary yet again because apparently hand-holding was too lewd for them, she couldn't help frowning slightly.

All these heartfelt love confessions for each other...

This was kind of getting ridiculous.

* * *

Okay. This was getting really ridiculous. Like, _utterly_ ridiculous.

They had just departed from the special screening of Hayao Miyazaki's _Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind_ with dubbing that Adrien, leaping up and down like a little boy who'd been told that he was going to get a puppy, said was amazing because it had a 'pre-TNG Patrick Stewart in it' (whatever that meant) and Nausicaa herself was his boyhood crush because she was the perfect mixture of caring and badassly hyper-competent.

It seemed that Adrien had a type, though the whole redhead thing was unexpected.

Though Kagami almost always wore red, so a connection there, to be sure.

In the cool evening air that helped to suppress the heat of the discussion, Marinette moderated a small debate over the merits of the original Japanese voice acting that concluded when Adrien and Kagami agreed that the general rule was that 'sub was better than dub' and Kagami's perfect knowledge of the original language outstripped both, of course.

Now they stood waiting at the curb for the Gorilla to pick up Adrien, and Kagami to get ferried home by her automated car.

When both vehicles arrived promptly at 9:10, Kagami and Adrien looked to each other, and then to Marinette for her to offer them yet more comfort.

It was a valiant struggle for Marinette to keep herself from face-palming.

They would really have to get over themselves one day.

It's not like she could be there to hold their hands – literally or metaphorically – every step of the way, especially when they got married or started to ... put in the _hard_ work on gifting the world with all those perfect little half-Asian fencer babies.

No. No - she couldn't hold their hands _then_. 

“My life has been tightly-controlled, repressed, but when I look at you, I know what freedom is because that's what I feel in my heart: freedom to love without fear of pain or rejection because I know that you are nothing like my mother, and would never hurt me intentionally. That's why, _because_ I'm free, it is so easy for me to say that... I love you.”

Poor Kagami. Obviously she wasn't telling the whole truth, as it had to be at least a little hard for her to confess that she loved him in light of the fact that she was still staring at Marinette and couldn't even bring herself to look Adrien in the eyes.

Again.

Still, why the heck was she confessing _again?_

A better question still was why Adrien was staring at Marinette too and acting like another “love confession” _wasn't_ the epitome of weirdness?

So much so that he too began to confess.

Again.

“I used to think that I knew what love was, but when I met you, I realized that I had no real idea. Everything that I thought I knew came from my father and mother and-” Adrien scoffed, wiping a finger through his eye in away that had Kagami surging forward only for him to assure her that he was fine with a wave.

Ladybug would, that evening, sneak into Gabriel Agreste's bedroom and punch him in the face while he slept.

Not that he was still asleep after the punch, but he _was_ unconscious.

“And anime. That was all I had. You helped to teach me what love was so that I can say this without any question: I love you.”

After Adrien and Kagami departed, kissing her on both cheeks in a friendly normal French salutation that didn't affect her in any way, Marinette sat out on a park bench, looking up to the sky where she could only make out a few stars, her vision clouded by all the light pollution. It was almost like she was as physically blind to them as Adrien and Kagami were to those love confessions they kept spewing out towards one another.

_What. The. Heck._

Was all of Marinette's hard work planning these dates for naught? What was going on here? How could they just ignore such well developed and heartfelt love confessions? How did they not understand?

Also, why was there a strange moaning cry coming from her purse? Tikki had more than enough cookies in there to keep her happy.

Things were getting desperate for this wing-woman, and she comforted herself by wrapping her arms around her body and squeezing herself tight, imagining that she was being cuddled by her good, if oblivious, friends.

She'd get them to figure it out if it was the last thing that she did!

Another proper date – a perfect date – was required.

But before that, Marinette had a different date to arrange between a couple that she wanted to get together even more than she did Adrien and Kagami: Ladybug's fist and Gabriel Agreste's face.

That was a match made in heaven.

But not one that could be described in anything less than Explicit terms.

* * *

This time, there was no chance of failure. Date plans were one thing, but _confession_ plans were another, and she had everything set perfectly.

There would be no misunderstandings – no way in which Kagami and Adrien could... _somehow_ forget or misinterpret confessions that were going to be as wonderful as _these_ ones would be. The setting and the date itself would be just as perfect as Adrien and Kagami themselves.

She still failed.

The rooftop to which Marinette had escorted the couple was awash in rose petals that Ladybug had acquired after going to a dozen florists and informing them that she had need of the flowers, subtly implying, without _actually_ lying, that she might have Ladybug tendencies that required her to eat several dozen bouquets of roses in order to store up energy for the winter.

People in this city were really rather oblivious and gullible.

Everything was perfect, and the two other teens beamed with surprise and joy at the sight of the table set up inside the field of rose petals and the spread of pastries that she had prepared herself.

It had gone just swimmingly, the two teens laughing and complimenting everything. They just wouldn't stop pouring out praise for her outfit – which was a Marinette original, but really wasn't anything special if you asked her – and her perfume, and the way her eyes looked like dazzling sapphires, and the flaky sweetness of her baked goods, and the set up, interspersed with offers to pay her back because it was all just _too_ wonderful, just like her.

She was blushing redder than all the rose petals put together.

Thank you Chat Noir for a brilliant idea.

Everything was going so well that the turn to yet another confession, one that she hoped would actually stick this time, was natural and organic.

This time, Adrien was the one to confess for the hopefully last time.

“I want you to know that tonight has been... it's been like a dream for me. And that's what _all_ of this has been like – something out of my imagination and even beyond that because I could never have pictured this or conceived of feeling this way about someone, but it's also the most real and stable thing that I've ever felt, steady and sure. That's ... that's how I love you.”

And, of course, Kagami had to reciprocate.

“And I too have learnt what 'reality' actually entails. I had thought that life was meant to be a struggle, wherein one could trust no one but herself. Your gentle support and your boundless universal care have taught me otherwise. I know now that it is not a weakness to rely on others, but a strength, for it inspires me to strive to better myself in a way that the desire for _victory_ alone never could. I want to be a better person because ... I love you.”

And that too, like all their other confessions, was simply, absolutely, unequivocally perfect.

She had thought the entire affair had been settled, but they blushed and just kept glancing at her as they packed up the leftover pastries and descended from the roof.

Then, they asked her out on yet another one of their dates which, she assumed, meant that they needed her moral support to work themselves up for another confession.

_Argh!_

Marinette spent the rest of the evening beating her face with her cat pillow.

* * *

"I don't get it, Alya!" Marinette stalked the living area of Alya's family apartment as the other girl prepared a snack in her kitchen, tugging a bowl from the cupboard. While they were supposed to be waiting for Nino to join them in order to discuss the situation with Adrien, having the apartment to themselves while Alya's parents took her younger siblings to the zoo, Marinette simply couldn't hold off.

She had reached the end of her rope.

"What is _wrong_ with them?! It doesn't make any sense."

"Hmm," Alya added from the kitchen, cracking open a carton of milk and pouring it into her cereal bowl.

"I know, right?” Marinette threw her arms out above her head, eyes wide in disbelief. “They just get that same dumb look on their faces each time and start spouting off another confession!"

"Mm-hm." Like an uncouth barbarian savage who clearly hadn't been held as a child and had possibly been dropped on her head a few times, _Alya_ _added cereal to her milk_.

Even Hawkmoth himself would be appalled.

"It's the stupidest thing that I've ever _seen_!” Granted, in light of her distraction, Marinette had not seen Alya add cereal to milk. “How many times do they have to tell each other how they feel before they get it?"

"Mm." Deft knife-work had banana slices ready, thrown in over Alya's corn flakes.

Had bananas been sapient, they would have cried out in agony at being dismembered slice by slice, but the greater horror still was being added to cereal that had been poured into milk.

"Is it, like, a form of brain damage?” Marinette growled. “Is it an akuma?”

Stopping mid-rant in abject horror, she clapped her hands to her mouth and mumbled, ”Oh, God, what if it _is_ an akuma – like ... like some kind of obliviousness akuma that's slowly sucking out their brains starting with their short-term memories so that they can never fall in love and have all their little beautiful perfect half-Asian fencer babies as part of Hawkmoth's long-term plan to rob France of its future Olympic fencers!?"

"Hm." A teaspoon of granulated sugar dusted the banana slices, a sweet coating that only made the nefandous monstrosity beneath all the more horrifying by sickening contrast.

“You're right, Alya!” Marinette smacked a fist to her palm before she gestured towards the Parisian skyline beyond the apartment window. “Ladybug has to save them! They're French national treasures and have to be protected!”

“Huh.” Alya pulled a spoon from the drawer, holding it up to the light for inspection to make sure it was clean.

Of course it would be tainted the moment that it hit cereal that had been added to milk.  
  
Trying to pop her shirt like Superman – which was much harder than it looked, possibly because she was wearing a tee-shirt that did not have buttons to pop – Marinette began clambering through Alya's window to shimmy along the ledge beyond and get to the balcony even though there was a perfectly accessible door.

Eventually, halfway through the window with a torn collar, Marinette thought better of it and pulled herself back inside. Grinning awkwardly while her gaze ranged around the room, she smoothed out her tee-shirt and tried to look normal.

 _Tried_.

“Yeah. That's why I -” she coughed. “That's why I have to ... go find Ladybug and tell her about Adrien and Kagami.”

“Mmm.” Settling down onto the living room sofa, Alya placed the bowl of cereal on her lap. Sime, Angarola, Poe, and Lovecraft together could not conjure a terror more maleficent and unnatural than the one that sat in that little hunk of ceramic: the literal definition of 'the thing that should not be.'

“Right!” Marinette barked. “Gotta go!”

Then she nearly took Nino's arm off as, with conspicuously convenient timing, he tried to enter the apartment's front door, his hand to the nob, just as Marinette yanked it open, pulling him in and to the floor as the shock had him tightening his grip.

One might also say that it had him screaming like a little five year old girl, but that would be an insult to five year old girls.

Marinette kindly avoided stepping on him as she raced out of the apartment, though Nino was certain that she wasn't actually trying.

He just got lucky.

"What was that?" Nino asked after he picked himself up, rolling his aching shoulder, dusted himself off, and settled in next to his girlfriend, looking for a comfort cuddle after his traumatic experience.

"Marinette being a useless disaster bi," Alya answered monotonously while stuffing a spoonful of horror into her mouth.

"Oh, so business as usual, then," Nino added perfunctorily, relieved.

Alya sniffed.

"Yep."

“Has she even figured out that she's bi yet?” Nino inquired, wrapping his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder in order to gain easier access to the bowl of cereal that he had no idea was an abomination unto God.

“Nope.”

Nino tried to steal a banana slice off the top of Alya's bowl only to get his hand swatted away by a spoon.

He'd never know how close he came to consuming that which was madness itself.

Again, he just got lucky.

* * *

“Have you two been mind-controlled by some kind of obliviousness akuma that's slowly sucking out your brains starting with your short-term memories so that you can never fall in love and have little beautiful perfect half-Asian fencer babies as part of Hawkmoth's long-term plan to rob France of its future Olympic fencers?”

Okay. That might have been slightly blunt and elaborate in light of the fact that Ladybug had just swooped down using her yo-yo and abducted Adrien and Kagami off the street while they were sharing sweethearts ice cream on a warm early-September evening.

The two wealthy heirs that had occupied so many of her thoughts recently stood on said rooftop, Adrien looking slightly downcast over his lost ice cream cone which was now splattered across the sidewalk nearby. The frown and furrowed brow gave way to a confused shaking of his head.

“Uh, are you okay, Ladybug? Is an Akuma attacking the city?”

“It's just that I've seen you on your dates and I know that it's none of my business but you two seem to be in love and you never really get that through your heads, which is why I was speaking to a friend about it and she suggested that you might have been affected by an akuma, and I thought, what the heck?! I'm Ladybug, so I should check to make sure if you need help from the heroine of Paris.”

“What are you talking about, Ladybug?” Adrien huffed with slightly more malice than the super heroine could explain logically. Why would he have any kind of grudge against Ladybug for interfering in his love life?

“I too am somewhat confused. We are well aware of each other's feelings,” Kagami added, reaching out to take Adrien's hand in her own and smile up at him, and he reciprocated in typically dazzling fashion.

“Oh- I... I've seen you on your dates. You keep confessing to each other so I just thought that maybe something was wrong, but if you're just being romantic I can understand that because you're showing each other how much you love each other and that must be really hard to do when Marinette is there all the time so you are hot- _not_ able to make out with her – _in front of her_!”

“Whoa, whoa, Ladybug!” Adrien placated, moving towards her slowly with his hand outstretched, Kagami following along so that she didn't have to let go. “We're not confessing to each other.”

_What?_

“We're confessing to Marinette,” he added with a shrug. “I guess you were just too far away when you passed by on your patrols to pick up on that.”

_Quoi?_

“Indeed.” Kagami nodded. “It was a great relief when she agreed to allow us to court her.”

_什麼?_

“She hasn't given us her answer yet.”

_什么?_

“But we believe that we have a very real chance. She seems to have been responding very positively to our advances.”

_Che cosa?_

“We merely wish to make clear how we feel about her at every opportunity – to let her know how much she has transformed our lives – lives that we would like to share with her.”

A sound suspiciously similar to an incoherent pterodactyl screech reverberated through Ladybug's head.

“Ladybug,” Adrien began, grimacing, “are you alright?”

_Oh, kwami. Was that out loud?_

“Alright? Yes. I'm fine, just like being poly is fine because of course it's fine and _you're_ fine and two fine people don't need to be told that they're fine because that's like saying that it's fine to be straight or gay and that's just the way you are, which is fine, and you don't need anyone to tell you that because it's _all_ completely fine-” she threw them a pair of Ladybug finger-guns (significantly dorkier than standard finger-guns) and smiled like a lunatic - “and you do you!”

Ladybug's spine went rigid as her face twisted into a mortified grimace, her finger-guns clattering to their holsters, open hands waving about frantically in front of her.

Wide eyes fell on Adrien.

“Not that I'm telling you” - she looked to Kagami - “to _do_ you! Not that it wouldn't be hot to see because you two are both too hot but that's not something you do in front of another person unless that's a thing you two do too and that's okay too if you want another person there to watch you two or even _do_ you two too because that's all fine...” Her entire body deflated, shoulders sagging low, and she cradled her burning face in her hands, nearly scalding them with the heat of her blush.

“... as well,” she mumbled into her gloves.

“Marinette?” Kagami and Adrien asked simultaneously.

_No. No. No, no, no, no, nonononononono!_

“No!” Ripping her hands away from her face so that they could see the sincerity in her eyes – which wasn't there in the first place and would have been undercut by her desperate grab at her yo-yo so that she could use it to escape – Ladybug whirled on them, taking in Adrien's smug smile and Kagami's adoring expression.

“I'm not Marinette. What's a Marinette?” she squeaked, throwing her yo-yo out to latch onto a nearby building and watching helplessly as she did, indeed, throw it, line and all. All three teens stared for a moment at the magical spotted yo-yo, hanging off of a flag pole on the other side of the street, the cord fluttering in the wind.

A tormented and unnatural grin, which looked like something that might cross the face of the Joker from one of those Batman movies, spread across her face.

”Like, 'Marinette',” Ladybug began with a chuckle, making a show of scratching her head. “Is that some kind of puppet?”

“No,” Adrien corrected gently. “That's the brilliant, amazing, and beautiful girl who we both fell in love with.”

This time, the pterodactyl screech was indeed, assuredly, audible.

Also there might have been some incoherent screaming about being really flattered by their confessions and though she wasn't gay that was alright because she was feeling really _happy_ right now so maybe she was at least Kagami-sexual and she really loved spending time with them and the cuddling, which was totally fine and non-sexual even when they were stroking her thighs, was really great so they could do that some more if they wanted because she liked them too!

“Would you shut _up_ out there?!” A shrill voice cried from somewhere inside Adrien's ... pocket. “I do three things in life: kick ass, sleep, and eat Camembert, and I'm all out of Camembert. I'm trying to be nice and sleep, so don't make me come out there to do the first one! Just make out already and keep quiet about it.”

As Adrien and Kagami descended upon the valiant, morally upstanding heroine of Paris for _more_ -than-friendly cuddles, Marinette knew that she could succeed in accommodating the first request.

The second part was ...

She yelped when Kagami tugged out her pigtails and then buried her face in Ladybug's loosed hair, seeming to want to smother herself.

Weird, but Marinette was not one to judge people for their fetishes.

As she was thinking before she was so ... adorably interrupted: The second part, she realized when Adrien began stroking a hand over her side and she was sandwiched between two preternaturally gorgeous teens, was probably not something that she could make any promises about.

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah. Crack and Adrigaminette: two delicious flavours that go great together.
> 
> Also, Adrien would definitely have a crush on Nausicaa. She is so his type, and you can't convince me otherwise. 
> 
> Oh, yes. Press 'F' in the comments to pay respects to all those early Miraculous fan-dubbed comics that mispronounce "Marinette" as "Marionette."
> 
> Adrigaminette may be my OT3, but Ladybug's Fist x Gabriel Agreste's Face is my OTP.


End file.
